That title couldn't be more true. I am. Total wreck. So much going on lately that I literally come home from work and break down and cry. Don't feel sorry for me... it's a lot of self reflection that I need to be doing. Today I have an awful migraine so not only did I not work... I also can't sleep which gives me more time to think. I'll say right now... this blog is more for me to get some stuff out of my head but hopefully it's still entertaining for you.
Another of my ex's is now engaged. I woke up to that message this morning. Thankfully this guy is salt of the earth and I'm pretty sure his now "fiancee" isn't a crazy psycho so I can literally be happy for him...And he respects me enough to tell me himself which again makes me heart him even more... but it still makes my heart hurt a little and really makes me think. More self reflection... in this case though I'm going to chalk it up to this couple was just meant to be. I really hope it works out for them.
This weekend I worked... I had some fun on Friday though (slump buster thank the good Lord) but last weekend I went on two dates... both kinda terrible in their own ways but both made me realise some stuff too.
The first date, bless his heart, the guy really tried and I can tell he really REALLY likes me. The definition of an Eager Beaver... actually came off a little desperate to be honest. Man, us women can be such bitches can't we? We want you to want us... but then if you come on too strong... total turn off! So where's the happy medium? It's in the connection. Think about it... I certainly have. If I like a guy... he couldn't come on too strong! Bring on the phone calls, hundreds of texts, can't wait to see him.... right? But if it's like a lost puppy and you don't have that spark... its just annoying! Moral of that date... no more faking! If its not there... that's that. I refuse to lead guys on and waste both of our time.
The second date of that weekend was an epic fail from the first minute. It was an Eharm date... fucking of course it was lol. The conversation was painful and very hard to keep flowing... the dude was a loud talker and boy I mean LOUD! Food was good though but the clincher... the nose hair! Maybe I'm superficial but come on guys its 2011! Trim that shit! There is no excuse for dark, black passengers dangling out of your nasal cavity as if to wave and say "hey, it's like a 70's flash black in here" every time you breathe! I felt bad but the date was such a Hurricane Katrina that i even lied to make it end quicker with one of those "ya call me this week and we'll go see a movie"... I know I know, bitch move but hey it was a game time decision and it got me out.
So I write this blog from a place of total honesty and get criticized for it by some, praised by others and its hard to know what to think. One question I've been pondering is "standards" and I would love some feedback on this. We all have things we would like in a mate. Some chicks I know go as far as to have literal check lists and if the guy doesn't measure up... he's out! Some people have told me lately, maybe my standards are too high but I don't think they are. I'm tough. I'm not just gonna open my heart or my legs for any loser but what's wrong with that??
On the date with Eager Beaver... we were eating dinner... and I was asking some of my usual "get to know you questions". Nothing too hard but this guy could not come up with a freakin answer to save his life. NOTHING! NOT ONE! BLOODY PAINFUL! So I called him on it and said "what do you know want to get to know me"? He looked at me and said this... with a straight face... "Well first of all, I'm eating... so that interrupts my thinking".
Collect yourself from laughing... read that gemstone comment again and then tell me... standards too high or dude's just a gongshow?
Things on my list for a potential mate... honesty, good chemistry and connection, family oriented, hard working, fun loving, active, outdoorsy, adventurous... then I get to the physical stuff and that list is short. I have to be attracted to the guy and I want him to be taller than me... I'm 5'6 so that's not a "tall order" in my books but it does make you feel more secure.
Is it so wrong to be a little choosy? I don't think so. I've dated enough to know what I want and what I like so why would I waste someones time or my time. When you've had amazing sparks on a first date it's hard to settle for anything less. Some people say sparks are bullshit but gut feelings are real and you should always trust them.
I'm still hoping for some sparks soon though.
L
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